I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
