It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
