STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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