At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
