I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize