Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
