flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
