i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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