i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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