Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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