Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
