idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
