So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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