Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
