I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
