I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
