your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
