My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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