Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
