I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
