I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
