Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
