chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
