found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
