I faked an abortion last night.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
