HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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