I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
