i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
