a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
