the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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