Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
