We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it glows. i had to have it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
