I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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