Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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