farters have to be the big spoon...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
