Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
