I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
