There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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