Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
