It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
