i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
