Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
