sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
