I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
