I am puke
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
