Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
