I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
