kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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