I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
