So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
