yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
