So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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